Eight years, eight long years I have been faithful and supportive to this man. I gave up all my plans and took on his vision and made it mine. Just a simple man he was and no one understood his hustle. No one f**** understood his inflated dreams but me. I remember one day when he asked me to take out a loan to finance one of his other big deals. Everyone had stopped taking his calls because he had become a huge financial burden for them. He always spoke about his great big ideas and how he needed the start up capital to hit the big time. I had seen it all before. I took out a loan of R40 000 and he converted that to a debt of R500 000. This was nothing new. The man owed millions and he had to be declared bankrupt at one point. I lost my house due to his debts. When no one wanted to have anything to do with him I was there.
I lived through his spouts of anger because nothing worked out. I lived through his binge drinking because he couldn't face himself. I carried us for 8 years on my salary because he was my hero. I loved his passion and endurance. He believed in himself and his hustle. He believed in us.
The twinkle that would be mirrored in his eyes everytime he came up with a new idea was infectious. He was my dream personified. He had this cheekiness about him when he smiled and gazed into nothingness thinking of the life he wanted to give me. Heeeee, I remember the first day we met like it was yesterday. He had the same twinkle, the smile, the tenacity. How could a girl resist?
It was a Spring night on the 7th September 2012. My love had finally done it. His ideas finally paid of. Everything he had spoken of finally happened after 8 long years of dreaming. He came home one night with a bottle of Champagne and the most beautiful crystal glasses I had ever seen. It was the most magical night, thinking about it makes me teary.
He had found investors and it was the beginning of the life he dreamt of for us. Or so I thought.
While he was hustling he always found time for me. Now the nights became longer and the excuses became more creative. He was working hard he would say. "Do you think the car you are driving miraculously appeared on our driveway" he would remark with a sny look on his face. I couldn't believe he would say that, when I was the one driving him up and down before he bought me this car. Who said I cared about this stupid car? All I wanted was to spend time with him. I wanted him to touch me like he used to. I hungered for that twinkle in his eye.
His friends were everything to him. I don't understand how they miraculously reemerged in his life after years of betrayal. Where were they when he needed them? One In particular is Thami. A childhood friend of his. One night, our beautiful baby boy threatened to grace us with his presence in this world. I started to bleed and we had no money for petrol and no one to call. We called the ambulance and after an hour of nothing we knew we needed to make a plan. He called Thami and Thami was very clear that he was busy and could not come out to help us. We later found out that Thami was at some bar and didn't care to come help us out. Unfortunately the bleeding was too much and we lost out beautiful baby boy. Now this Thami was back into his life. He was loaning Thami thousands and would cancel date nights because Thami this and that.
A few months ago I got home to a bunch of flowers. Just the way I had always dreamt of them. Purple lillies filled my lounge. A tear snuck out of my eye because my husband was back. The man I had met 8 years ago was finally back. I basked in the moment and could not wait for him to get back home. At that moment I fell in love with my husband all over again. . . Little did I know what awaited me when he came home. I mean how could he? How dare he after all I did for him? After all the years? He had no right. Who did he think he was?
So now I look at myself in the mirror covered in blood. My reflection judges my intensions... He pushed me to this and now his heart glares at me, his blood cries out my name. Let I be judged but what I did, no regret flows through these veins.
#DearDiary #ThandisDiary Post 2
I quickly took a shower and put on his favourite nighty. I created a perfect ambiance and the only thing missing was some bubbly. At that time, I knew that there would be no need for bubbly. I felt love all around and I knew it would be a night worth remembering.
As I was about to make myself comfortable I heard the garage door open. It felt good to have him come home so early for a change. I had forgotten what it felt like to sit down and have dinner with my husband.
I heard him close his car door. I heard another door close. That was odd because the doors closed within seconds of each other so there was no way he could have opened another door. I realised he was with someone and literally felt my spirit drop. I had to put my clothes on. I wondered who he could be with as he never warned me that we would have guests. A little smile snuck on my face thinking he was with his mother. Maybe he was serious about working things out. You know a man is serious when he involves his mother right. Yep, my life was perfect again. Or so I thought...
I quickly put on my dress and rushed to the kitchen to greet my husband and that's when he walked in with her.
My heart beat so fast as if it knew of the horror and turmoil this woman would bring to my life.
"Hi babe, go etsagalang, is everything ok?"
He walked up to me and kissed me on the cheek. He smelled so good and looked so good. I truly loved him with everything in me. Everytime I wanted to walk away. I would always think about his dashing looks and courageous tenacity. Where would I find another man like him? I was the luckiest woman in the world.
"We need to talk, can we go to the dining room"
"Haai what's going on, tell me now - Ke mAng oo?"
And there she stood. She must have been a good 1.62m tall. Quite fit and dark in complexion. She was wearing a read body hugging dress which caressed every curve on her body. She had a beautiful long silky brown weave on. She was wearing little diamond studs which looked like a pair my husband bought me a few months prior. I knew she was beautiful but the uncertainty and confusion clouded my judgement. I could not see her pretty. I needed to know who she was and what she was doing in my house. Deep down I knew but I needed to hear those words to confirm what I knew in my heart the minute I laid my eyes on her.
As my husband started to talk, I felt my world crumble right in front of me. My chest got so tight as my heart raced. Instant nausea overtook me. I was such a mess by the time my husband finished talking that I didn't know if I should cry or vomit. WTF did he think he was?????
So there I was, waving my rags to riches story goodbye. Welcoming my new sad life. I couldn't believe what had befallen me. My husband introduced this woman to me and told me that they had been seeing each other for about a year and that they found out that she was pregnant. Before I could even try and swallow what he had just said, he told me that she was moving in with us.
That is when I literally felt all my bitter venom swim up to my throat.
I couldn't digest everything he was saying and she was just standing there with a smug like a teenage mutt. How dare he.
"I have thought this through and she will be staying here. If you can't live with that then you must move out. It's up to you."
At that moment out of anger I charged towards her. I was so angry, all I wanted to do was kill her. How could she? Women like her make me sick. My husband dropped his laptop case and reached out to me before I could attack this woman. I cried out so loud and asked him to let me go. He held me so tight and told me to stop acting like a fool as I was embarrassing him. Meanwhile she was just standing there with a cheek in her smile. I don't know where I gathered the strength but I managed to free myself from his grip and managed to pull her by her fake cheap plastic hair. The devil oozed right through my eyes. I could have killed her that night.
How dare he after all I did for him? After all the years? He had no right. Who did he think he was?
So now I look at myself in the mirror covered in blood. My reflection judges my intensions... He pushed me to this and now his heart glares at me, his blood cries out my name. Let I be judged but what I did, no regret flows through these veins.
#DearDiary #ThandisDiary Post 3
I screamed and cried until I had no energy left inside of me. My husband managed to take me to the guest room and locked me in there telling me it was for my best. He said he would open up for me when I have calmed down. I did not resist him, I went numb and I could not think anymore. There I was, curled up on the bed literally feeling my soul exit my body. I felt cold and alone. I cried myself to sleep that night with no thoughts running through my mind. When I woke up the next morning I tightly closed my eyes and hoped that all that had happened was just a bad dream. I hoped that somehow I was imagining everything. To my disappointment, when I woke up I was in the guest room. I ran to the door and it was still locked.
Before freaking out I told myself to calm down. I remembered a show I saw on tv about breathing exercises to help you calm the nerves and there I was. "Breath in 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8 breathe out. Breath in 1.2.3" oh crap, who was I kidding? I stopped midway. My mind was racing with many thoughts and no amount of breathing would help me. I literally started feeling my blood rush through my arteries. The blood rushed in such a speed I started itching. Tears threatened but I fought them back. I paced up and down because I could not sit still. All I wanted to do was scream and cry.
I heard footsteps and they stopped in front of the door. It was my husband. He said that he had come in peace and needed us to discuss our future since there is a third person involved now. He mentioned how we were not the first couple to get into polygamy and stories of how his grandfather was a polygamist and that it did not mean that he loved me any less. He held my hand and said:
"Honey, we will work through all of this together. It's been done before, we can do it too"
I pulled my hand away and couldn't even look at him. He disgusted me and I needed to get away from him.
I got up and rushed to our bedroom. I almost vomited at the sight of what I saw. She was sleeping in my bed. The whore was sleeping in my bed. A hot rage moved from the top of my head to the sole of my feet. God knows I wanted to attack her but I kept my calm. I took my handbag and needed to get away from that horrible situation.
I drove to my mother and could hold my tears back as I saw her.
"Yini mtwana wami"
"Eish mama, why me. Ngiyenzeni to deserve such pain"
I explained every single detail to my mother hoping for some sympathy and understanding.Instead she took a big sigh and said that this is how things are and we must accept them. She told me how lucky I was that he chose to keep us both as he would have left me for her. She told me to count my blessings. I sat there shocked and speechless...
#DearDiary #ThandisDiary Post 4
"This is life mtwana wam, now be a good wife and go back home and make the poor woman feel welcomed"
I must have replayed her words in my heart a million times.
I asked my mother if I could stay the night and she refused. She told me that I belonged to my husband and she will have no part in entertaining my "silliness". She told me to go back home immediately as this would shame her greatly.
I felt betrayed by my own mother. How could she take his side? How was what he was doing right? Why should I have considered myself lucky that he didn't leave me?
I couldn't reconcile what was happening to me. I couldn't even bring myself to entertaining any thoughts that would suggest that I should maybe think about what my husband had suggested.
After spending the day at the mall, I eventually drove back to my house. It was just after 9pm when I drove into the garage. As I walked up to the door, it no longer felt like home. I felt cold shivers down my back as I opened the door not knowing what to expect. The house was empty, nobody was home. "Could my husband eventually come to his senses?" I silently thought. I convinced myself that he had thought about what he had done and taken her back to wherever he dragged her out from. Looking around the kitchen I noticed that the same dishes were still in the sink just as they were when I left in the morning. I went to the bedroom and my bed was not made up. Walking towards the bed, I imagined both of them rolling in my bed. With much disgust I started screaming and my tears could not be controlled. With force I removed all the bedding and put them in a black refuse bag. I looked everywhere for a box of matches and I couldn't find it. I knew I wanted to burn the bedding but I had no clue where I would start the fire. I was so enraged that I went opted to chuck the bag into the outside bin.
I quickly cleaned the house and awaited my husbands return. As furious as I was, I was hoping he would be proud of how clean the house was. He would remember the woman I was and realise that I was enough and good for everything. I resolved to change my ways and become a better wife. As much as I didn't want to believe all this, it was what I was thinking.
I eventually dozed off and woke up the next day in such a rush my heart skipped a beat. I could see my heart beating through my chest as I shuffled through the rooms of the house and I realised that he had not arrived. He eventually arrived that evening. But he didn't stay for long. He said he needed to go somewhere to sort out some stuff and that he would be back. I tried to stop him but he overpowered me. He held me tight in his arms, I almost felt safe as he kissed my head and said "everything I'm doing is for us - il call you and explain everything." I called him two hours after he left, he picked the phone and said he'd call me right back but he didn't. He switched his phone off because I couldn't get hold of him after that.
Day in and day out I waited in anticipation for him and nothing. I sent him countless what's app messages and they were not delivered as all I got was one tick. His phone was still off. I called his office pretending to be a client and they said that he was not available and I needed to deal with his PA or his partner. Not knowing where he was drove me crazy.
After two weeks I was on the edge. I was not thinking straight. Life seemed unfair and bleak. I did not want to live anymore and I knew that the only way out of the misery was to cease existing. Voices in my head gave me all the reasons why I was useless and how my husband had abandoned me. They also told me that the best solution was to end my life. As each day crept up on me, I fell deeper and deeper into a dark pit. I couldn't breathe properly; I spent time sleeping and crying. I didn't take calls anymore and I didn't want to talk to anyone. Everytime my phone rang I thought it was my husband but was quickly disappointed when I realised it wasn't. I switched my phone off and spent time sleeping and crying and the suicidal thoughts became convincing.
One rainy morning, on a Tuesday, three weeks without hearing from my husband I decided to collect every single pill we possessed in the house including some sleeping pills. This was it, it was the only solution. Without delaying it further I popped all those pills and gushing them down with some whiskey. I didn't feel anything at first but eventually felt a sharp pain in my stomach and terrible pain across my entire body. The pain was so unbearable until started to feel my soul drifting away from my body. I had left my body and could see myself laying on the couch. Lifeless yet pained...
#DearDiary #ThandisDiary Post 5
I then realised that I was in hospital. I asked what was going on and the nurse told me not to worry myself as I needed to calm down a bit. She was busy shuffling around my bed and I was still confused.
"Mama, mama. Kuyenzekalani mama"
My mother just stared at me with an empty cold stare.
"uNkulunkulu asixolele mtwana wami"
"Mama"
At that moment my mom grabbed me as tight as she could. a memory invaded my space. I remembered the day she found out about how my uncle was sexually abusing me. She held me and sobbed, blaming herself. And on this day, I saw a repeat. It all felt like déjàvu. I had tried so hard to forget about that element of my childhood and there I was thinking about it. After what seemed hours although was a good 5 minutes sob, the doctor walked in and asked if my mother could give me a moment to rest as I had gone through a lot.
"Doctor, what's going on?"
"What is your last memory Thandi?"
I tried very hard to remember but all I could recall was darkness and me fading away
"You overdosed Thandi, you drank an excess of sleeping tablets and other tablets too"
It all came flooding back to me after he said that. I started crying again.
"How? How did I survive?"
"Well it seems like your husband found you just in time and rushed you to the hospital. You just made it"
"Where is my husband doctor?"
"Well he comes daily in the mornings and evenings. We have alerted him that you have awoken and he is on his way. You were in a coma for a week."
The doctor kept on talking and I felt overwhelmed. The reality facing me is that I had tried to kill myself and I had failed. How would I face everyone?
"Thandi, I would like to talk to you about some stuff before your husband comes through so I need you to recollect yourself and rest for a bit. I will be back in 15 minutes."
I didn't know what "recollecting" myself meant. I was anxious and I needed to know what he wanted to talk to me about.
The doctor came back just as he said he would. I couldn't help it anymore. I needed to know. He made some small chat until I demanded to know what was going on.
"You see Thandi, you suffered some internal damage due to your overdose and we are worried about your central nervous system. We performed a brain CT scan on you and it shows mild edema. Just a small swelling in your brain which should go away on its own. But we need you to go to the psychiatric ward tomorrow for more tests. And I am not sure if you knew, but you were pregnant and..."
I interrupted the doctor before he could finish the sentence
"Wait doctor, should you be telling me all this. Pregnant? What?"
"Yes Thandi and unfortunately you lost the baby, you were about 7 weeks - I am truly sorry. We will arrange therapy for you as you have clearly gone through a lot. Your husband is here, shall I call him for you?"
My world caved in and I floated to another realm
"Thandi, Thandi, are you ok?"
I just started crying. "Why are you so insensitive doctor? How can you tell me all of this?"
"Well there is no other way of doing it. I'm sorry. I think your husband would want to see you and I advise you see him"
"Ok"
I could not believe what just happened. Just like that. What the f**** was going on I wondered to myself. I couldn't keep my tears back as I felt a sharp pain in my heart. "How did I get here" I yelled out loud. I then started screaming uncontrollably and the nurses tried to calm me down. They told me that all will be fine and that my husband is on his way to see me. They said I would be fine once I see him.
Time moved slowly and I felt numb. Although I was on that hospital bed alive, inhaling all the crap in the room. My soul was dead. I stopped feeling immediately.
My husband walked in, our eyes locked and with remorse he started apologising. I looked away and did not feel like talking to him. He walked around and touched my face. He started crying and apologised for everything. He promised me that things would change and that he would be a better man. He couldn't stand the thought of me dying and leaving him alone. In my mind I though "yeah right, what about Delilah."
"Where were you? You promised to call me."
"Baby, I don't want to stress you, let's not talk about it"
"Where is she?"
"Don't worry about her, I promise you are my only one right now."
He went on about how selfish he was and how he had never imagined his actions would push me so far. It was clear that he didn't know about the pregnancy and I was not about to tell him. I felt so much hatred and anger towards him yet I loved him so, he was my husband. I smiled and he kissed me. He came everyday until I was discharged.
I was discharged after a week and due to return the following week for some observations. We got home and for the next week, my husband went out of his way to make me comfortable. He took care of me, cooked for me and loved me. He bought me jewelry and was just amazing. I was still numb. Devastated by yet another miscarriage only this time I was responsible. I killed my baby. I could never forgive myself for that act. My husband still didn't know and I did not want to tell him. It tore me apart every second. That Delilah was carrying his baby and all I could do was kill my only way of being a true wife. I felt disgusted with myself. I wouldn't allow my husband to get intimate with me. He understood as he felt that I had gone through a lot. I was a mess, stuck in a deep dark hole and I didn't know how I was going to escape.
The day before I was due to go to the hospital for check up and observations, my husband had a very important meeting to attend, he was in such a rush he forgot his phone. I did not waste time. I had seen him unlock it before so I gained access at first attempt. I immediately put it on flight mode and went straight for his what's app messages. And there they were...
Messages from her and countless other women...
#DearDiary #ThandisDiary Post 6
I switched the flight mode off and put the phone down just as I had found it. In total shock at what I had just read, I realised that I did not know who my husband was. This man was a stranger to me. He was not who I married. The deception and lies were just too much. As I was about to break out into tears, I heard a voice whisper.
"Haven't you cried enough - enough now"
Trying to ignore the voice, it said a little bit louder this time.
"He deserves to be punished, punished, punished"
Using my hands to shut my ears, I ran to the bathroom and rinsed my face. I looked up at the mirror and saw my reflection. I looked dry, old, battered and defeated. My eyes dug my grave. I couldn't believe that the reflection was who I had become.
I then buried my face into a towel and let a scream out. I heard the garage door open and I knew that it was my husband. He'd probably come for his phone. I walked over to the kitchen to meet him. I stood at the entrance and waited for him to walk in. He opened the door and there he was standing, my main man. He looked so handsome. He was a vision to behold. Tall, dark, handsome and oh so dashing. On this particular day, he was looking quite debonair with his navy suit and Italian brown shoes. His hair freshly cut with just enough facial hair to bring any girl to her knees. With a man like that, especially now that he has lots of money, who was I to think he belonged only to me?
"Babe, babe, Thandi. Are you ok? why are you standing there - are you ok?"
"I'm ok - home early?"
" I wish, I just forgot some documents in the bedroom"
He then walked over to me and stole a kiss. His lips felt oh so succulent and juicy. I felt every touch as he released himself from me. His warmth enveloped me and I got lost in his cologne. My husband was a beast and I was a weak woman.
He was the thorn in my flesh and the thorn was slowly destroying me.
He carried on walking to the bedroom and came out with nothing in his hands. I actually believed him when he said that he had forgotten some documents. I realised that my husband was a liar even with the smallest of details. Telling me that he had left his phone at home would not harm anyone.
While heading for the door to leave he said,
"I Can't find the documents, I don't know where I must of left them - see you later babe"
" - later darling" I responded
He stopped in his tracks, turned around and smiled.
"Darling? - I haven't heard you call me that in a while."
He then walked over to me. Put his hands just below my shoulders and rubbed them.
"I promise that everything will be ok. I'm committed to us ok. Ok?"
"Ok" I said, but it was at that moment that I realised how angry I was at him. The man I had given myself to dug into my eyes at that moment and lied to them. He was a cold and selfish man and his actions had led to the death of my soul.
After he left, I rushed straight for the bedroom to confirm if he had indeed come for his phone and I was right. Rage overwhelmed me and all I heard in my head were the words "REVENGE-REVENGE-REVENGE".
I ran myself a hot bath, played some Lauren Hill and dipped myself until my skin creased. I needed to make a decision if I was going to remain sane. After my bath, I sent a text message to my husband :
"Darling, I have had a change of heart. I do not mind you taking a second wife. We will make it work. I love you"
In less than five minutes he responded
"We will chat when I get home tonight" " I love you too"
#DearDiary #ThandisDiary Post 7
For the first time I was not wandering around waiting for him to come home. I got into the kitchen and cooked up a storm. I also made his favourite dessert, milk tart. I poured myself a glass of chilled white wine, played a mix put together for our honeymoon night. The sweet sounds of Gregory Porter and healing melodies of Sade dug deep into my veins and tried to resurrect my life. I was cold and dead, the pain could not be felt anymore, I was numb to the core. I wondered how I arrived at a place of pure numbness. My fairytale escaped right before my eyes, swallowed by the deep dark nightmare. You know, you can never be too sure about these things. My man was a really good man. I guess his material success took him by surprise. He was never ready for it and hence he used his genitals as his moral compass. Deep down I knew how angry I was but I just could not allow myself to feel it. I did not want to feel anything.
I heard his car pull up into the garage. I heard him shut the door and as I was awaiting him to enter through the kitchen door I heard the door shut for the second time. My heart started beating really fast. I felt cold all over and something was sitting in my throat.
"Don't cry" I heard the voice again
"Whatever you do, don't cry"
I swallowed myself and readied myself for what was about to happen for I knew that he was with her.
As I had anticipated, they both walked in. She was beautiful, that I couldn't deny. I could feel my sweat racing down my chest. I had wondered how I would react the next time I saw her. I kept my cool and begged myself not to react like I did the first time.
For a moment, time stood still and no one said anything. There we were, the happy family facing one another. Eyes locked and temperatures high, my husband looked like he was waiting for me to react.
"Welcome home honey" I said. "I see you have brought her along, I thought you said we will talk about it. "
He looked pretty nervous as he responded, "yes babe, just thought we could all talk. Your message was straight to the point, so I felt it's better we all had a chat together."
I swallowed myself one more time and invited both of them to get ready for dinner as I set up. I had cooked up a storm that evening and it was enough for all of us to share.
My husband took her hand and asked her to join him in the lounge while I set the table up. I smiled...
The voice persisted "don't fight, keep your cool."
I asked my husband if she could stay behind to help me set up. He agreed and said he'd go take a shower while we get everything ready, u had a feeling he wanted us to have that "chat" to make things easier for him. There was an awkward silence for a while. And then she spoke.
"Where do I find the plates?"
"Up there on the left" I responded to her
Another silence tore the tension as I tried to think of something to say to her. I then asked how far she was. She answered that she was seven weeks pregnant. And out of nowhere, she then said something that completely threw me off course.
"Just so we are clear lady, I'm not party to this but I have no choice. Your husband, my man, belongs to me honey. Stop acting desperate and leave"
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me" she said with a smug on her face.
"I heard you can't keep a baby inside. You see, I will give him a child, something you have failed to do and once this kid is born, it's game over for you."
I could hear the shower from our bedroom. I felt hot all over. And the words came back "REVENGE, REVENGE, REVENGE." I stopped thinking. How dare she say that. Who did she think she was. I looked down for a bit and clenched my fists together. I looked at her and she was standing there like she owned my house. How dare she I felt inside.
Before I knew it, I looked to the right and saw a knife lying next to the silver bread tin my husband had specially made for me. Without thinking, I grabbed the knife and stormed towards her screaming my lungs out and I did it. The knife went straight for her womb. I was crying and uncontrollable. I stabbed her five times on her lower stomach area. In my mind I was getting rid of the seed of my husband. Without it, then she would have no hold over him. It was the reason for her moving in with us, the fact that she carried him inside of her.
It all happened so fast. She screamed and fell on the floor and did not move. Covered in blood, the first thing I could think of was "who is carrying his kid now?". Then it clicked, I realised what I had done. With convulsions I dropped the knife on top of her and wiped my face as I was sweating.
My husband appeared rushed to the kitchen, pushed me aside and went straight for her. His towel fell off as he knelt down and shook her to wake up. That's how I knew and figured who he loved the most. We were both his women and he went for her. He looked at me and uttered the words "Thandi, what have you done? Uyenzeni heeee"
He was left naked.Naked and exposed as he knelt over her. With his naked body covered in blood with tears in his eyes, he commanded me to get him something to wear. I just stood still and did not react. He then quickly rushed to the bedroom and put on his track pants and top. He rushed back, took his keys and picked her up. He looked at me straight in the eyes and left carrying her. She was unconscious and by the look of our kitchen floor, had lost a lot of blood. I heard the garage door open and him drive out.
When they left, I knew that he loved her more than he did me. Even when she would be without child, he still seemed to side with her.
I was puzzled as to why my husband could do such a thing to me. It was really unlike him. I figured that the woman had seduced him and made sure she fell pregnant. The woman must have known that my husband was desperately desiring a baby. That way, she knew that he could not turn her away since she was carrying his child.
I felt a sense of victory overcome me as I fantasised about our reunion. There was no baby, that meant my husband no longer had any responsibility towards the woman anymore. Things did not go the way they were supposed to go. I was supposed to carry the baby, me and not her. So she needed to be punished for thinking she could come between what my husband and I worked on for so long. I'm sure she would have never given him a second look had she met him when he was still hustling. The thought of women like her churned my stomach.
As I was about to clean the kitchen, I heard a car pull in. I assumed it was my husband puling in. The car though, stopped on the driveway and not the garage. Another car pulled in after his and I heard multiple doors opening and closing. I was curious and wanted to rush towards the door but realised that I was covered in blood. It then hit me that I had not cleaned up the kitchen and I knew how upset my husband would be. I quickly ran to the bedroom as I heard him turning the doorknob to enter the house. I was not about to let whoever he was with see me covered in blood. So I ran for the bedroom.
He entered the house and called out my name. His voice was trembling with anger. I peaked out a bit and saw a huge commotion and I spotted that he was with the police. Out of panic, I closed and locked the bedroom door. He must have heard it because they ran towards the door and he tried to open it.
"Open the door, I know you are inside. " I heard a pause and he went at the door banging it multiple times
"Thandi, if you don't open this door, I swear I'm going to break it down"
"Ousi, e please open the door as we need to talk to you"
another voice tried to get me to open the door.
I panicked and rushed to the bathroom and locked the door. Jumped into the shower and wanted to get the blood stains off me. Crying frantically, I needed to get the blood stains off me.
While I was focusing on the stains. The smell of the blood was still pungent and fresh. I could still hear her screaming. The entire incident literally played in my mind and I started to choke up. Consumed in the moment that took place hours before. I was startled by a huge bang.
The bathroom door came bashing down as my husband stood outside the shower. I saw his silhouette as I couldn't see him properly through the shower door. He then opened the shower door, tears in his eye and called me a sick woman
"You are a pathetic sick woman Thandi, heeeee maan, Thandi, you are sick wena maan"
With that he flooded towards me and started strangling me. I tried to fight him off but the pressure was just too much. I screamed at the top of my lungs and that's when the police came inside and pulled him off me. I fell to the ground, coughing and feeling disorientated. I then heard the policeman say something to him. That's when he calmed down and
Passed me a towel and told me to dress up and "get the f**k out of his house", he looked down on me and said "you make me sick". I sat there and just cried.
"Do you know what you have just done Thandi. Why would you do this. You had no right. You are pure evil."
That's when the policeman asked me to dress up as they were taking me to the police station.
Everything in that week went by so fast. Till this moment, I struggle to remember all the details. I got taken into custody for questioning by the police... My husband was extremely furious with me and he would not speak or come to see me. All he wanted was for me to rot in jail. I couldn't reconcile it in my mind. How could he be angry with me when I did this for us? He is the one who caused all of this, so why was I the bad one?
Well you know what, I claimed that it was self defense and that I was only protecting myself. I told them that she tried to assault me first and my actions could not be accounted for. I was protecting my home. My lawyer also argued that because I was going through psychiatric treatment after my suicide attempt, my behaviour might have been motivated by a mental disorder. I'm currently out on bail and at the psychiatric hospital for observations while I wait to appear in court in the next month. That woman did lose her child and apparently sustained sever wounds that she might not even be able to conceive again. I killed my husband's seed. The child was the heart of my husband. Now he feels pain like I do. Everytime I close my eyes, all I see is her blood haunting me. Her blood all over. I hear her and the baby screaming.
So now I look at myself in the mirror covered in blood. My reflection judges my intensions... He pushed me to this and now his heart glares at me, his blood cries out my name. Let I be judged but what I did, no regret flows through these veins.
The End ...
Yoh what a sad story, I agree with the gu though, Thandi is a sick woman. Great story, great writing Malebo, I really enjoyed it. At least I can finally go back to sleep now :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking the time out to read :)
DeleteSad story hey,guess we all have that element when pushed to our limits.That doesn't excuse her actions though,way out of line..
ReplyDelete